THE
OVERFLOW OF DIVINE MERCY IN MY LIFE
“I
know the plans I have for you. The plans to bring you prosperity and not
disaster, the plans to bring about the life you hope for” says the Lord God”
(Jeremiah 29:11).
All
my life I have been experiencing the words of God and I believe that my vocation
was a fulfillment of God’s plan. When I look back I feel the strong hands of
God which were holding me all these years in my happiness and sorrows distress
and loneliness, protecting me from all the pleasures of the world and have
brought me to this ‘Heaven on Earth’, House of God, and the Order of our most
dear heavenly Mother. I was attached to Blessed Mother from my childhood and
Retreat center, Chittoor in Ernakulum has played a great role in it. Attending
the retreats and prayer services there has changed me into a new person and a
child of God.
I
firmly believe that it was because of God’s great mercy I could experience His
love and be blessed to be in this Carmel and dedicate my whole life to Him, who
loves me most. It was my great sins which made God show His eyes of mercy on me
as Jesus says “I came to call not the upright, but sinners”( Mark 2:17), He came
to save me and made me totally His.
The
first incident in my memory, when I dedicated my life to Christ was during a
Christeen Retreat. But later after many years I didn’t know how to fulfill this
promise and at sometimes I regretted because I felt myself a great sinner
unworthy to become the bride of Christ and tried to move along the flow of the
world. But now, I believe that it was Holy Spirit who inspired me to take this
decision to join Carmel and it was not by my own will alone. God has brought me
to fulfill His tasks with a great thirst in my soul to serve Him. I would like
to proclaim from my experience that I am completely the daughter of God’s Divine
Mercy and He has brought me to this Carmel in the Year of Mercy to prove it to
me.
The
first idea of a cloistered life came to me when I read the autobiography of St.Therese of Lisieux, when I was in 9th grade she influenced me so much.
This was the
same year when our Carmel began construction , which I feel now as the great
work of the Lord. The little way of St. Therese influenced me so much and God
inspired me to follow it little by little through the people chosen by God,
especially my parents and priest who had great devotion to Little Flower. My
mother used to remind me to offer all my little pains and sufferings for the
souls in purgatory and my father used to advice me to read spiritual books and
write letter to Jesus. The life of my parents and their zeal towards God was
also a great inspiration to receive this vocation. But when I shared my wish to
my mother join a cloister, first she discouraged me, which made me confused. So
I thought I would become a doctor and serve God by serving people. God’s plans
were entirely different and that is how I learned B.Tech during which I passed
through failures, sufferings, loneliness which was also God’s plan to purify me.
During the times of troubles I always found my comfort in Jesus with whom I
shared everything and through these conversations I could come in more close
relationship with Him. In my distress I felt great comfort by the voice of God
speaking me through the book named “He & I”of Gabrieli Bosis, a French
author.
It
was during the final year of B.Tech my mind became so much disturbed and had a
feeling that God was calling me. Then I started praying more earnestly to know
God’s plan. For this I attended a vocation retreat at Sehion Retreat Centre in
Kerala near Palakad which helped me in my discernment. I could confirm my
vocation and God left in me a small spark of His love. Even if I had great
temptations and discouragements, God gave me the strength to stand firm in my
decision and He strengthened me through the word of God. I told my parents my
old dream of joining the Carmel and now they blessed me to follow God’s call
since they understood that my decision was strong and
final.
Today,
my Lord, from His great mercy has chosen me and given this special call to be
always closer to Him and inviting me to come in union with Him. The devotion to
Blessed Virgin Mary has brought me closer to the real Love - JESUS
CHRIST.
Carmel
Malayattoor
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